Recently I had a conflict with a colleague...actually it was the principal. Her and I did not see eye to eye on the issue at hand. When we met one on one, we were very respectful to each other and things were going good. When the assistant principal joined in, then it was a different story. She was quick to lay blame and was not open to my side of the problem.
I think the best coommunciation technique that would have worked hear was the 3 R's. The principal and I was doing a great job with this; however, the assistant was not willing to be respectful or reciprocal. I therefore, listened to what she had to say but turned my responses to the principal. This allowed me to address questions and concerns of one person. Since the principal was willing to listen to my points, we were able to respond to each other's requests and to solve the problem calmly and rationally.
For this conflict we were able to communicate verbally to each other and also our nonverbal skills played a role. The principal and I were both sitting next to each with our hands in our laps, making eye contact with each other. We listened to each other until that person was finished before we spoke (no interrupting each other). The assistant principal had different nonverbal skills that made it more tense. As I talked she recorded everything onto her IPOD. When she spoke she would point her finger and shake her head. This just made me want to go on the defensive with her.
Since I had to deal with two completely different types of communicators, this was an interesting learning experience for me. I was able to evaluate both pros and cons of effective communication. It also helped me to become more aware of how my body language makes others feel.
It is difficult when a conflict is going well, or not, and a third party gets involved. At times it can be beneficial to have a third person who is neutral but it sounds like in this case the assistant principle was not remaining neutral. Do you think he or she could have helped you use the NVC and 3 Rs is she wouave been neutral?
ReplyDeleteAlisa,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this happened to you, sounds like not a very positive experience and that their could have been better ways to handle the situation.
At my work I have the role of the assistant to my director. My director always wants me present whenever talking to any staff about situations or disagreements. If your principle is the same way what do you think the assistant could have done differently to make the setting more positive.